Dear Old Friend,
I drove by your old neighborhood a few weeks ago, as I’ve done hundreds of times. This time though, you popped into my head. I had to smile.. Another drive that direction, a couple days later, brought you back to mind.. and I thought how strange, that we’d live in the same city for who knows how long and we’d probably never run in to each other. And, how strange that you would come to mind, a few times, in such a short time.
Imagine my surprise, when just a week later, I see you coming in the door of the cafe.. I wasn’t sure, was it you? But yes, of course it was you.. I knew it. And I know you knew who I was too. I wanted to sink into the floor when they called my name for my food and you were standing right there. If I had any doubt as to whether you knew it was me or not, it was gone then. *laughs*
I’m not sure why I didn’t say hi. I was playing the coward. But you looked so… unhappy. Not in a good place. Maybe it was my excuse for not saying hello. But you didn’t look approachable.
Sitting there, you leaving.. I quickly googled on my phone and found you’re going through a divorce. I can say I’m sorry, for what little good it will do, but I am. Very sorry. (and no.. don’t think I’m weird for googling, it’s so normal, I google everything)
Again, you’re stuck in my head, but not in a little corner, now you’re stuck there, in the front and I’m feeling like such a heel for not saying Hi. I thought, maybe I could send you a card.. which, if you knew me now, you’d know I *never* send cards. But still, I could, and include a letter.. and so then I think about all the things I’d like to say. But, I can’t do that either. You didn’t speak to me as much as I didn’t speak to you. So, maybe you don’t want to talk to me.. that’s ok. I’ll write the letter here. Maybe, one day, you’ll stumble across it.. probably not, but I think it’d be nice if you did.
All this plays out in my head over a couple of days. And then, last night, I get a text from another old, mutual, friend. She wanted to know something mundane, but at this point, I’m really feeling like something was missed, because this friend.. I never talk to her.. we don’t talk on the phone, or text, or email and yet, within days of having seen you, I hear from her. It felt so strange. Honestly, as silly as it sounds saying it ‘out loud’, it felt like I was suppose to have had that opportunity… and I missed it.
So now, what I want to tell you is how you have always held a special place in my heart. I think back to times long gone, and I remember that in a small, simple way, you gave me strength I so desperately needed to move past a bad relationship, and forward. And how thankful I feel for those moments.
I wish I could say a few words and give you strength, courage, hope.. something to make things just a little bit better. Know this.. things do get easier. I wish I could give you a hug, talk about old times over a cup of coffee.
I wish I could go back to a few days ago, just so I could say Hi..
xo
PS… I just remembered this today. I wasn’t even suppose to be at that cafe. Normally we meet at a coffee shop. Friends I was meeting up with wanted to get dinner first.. I went to the wrong location.
